My best friend is in a mental ward. Something wasn’t right behind her smile, and even though her friends tried to help, the problem was way beyond a simple blues. This morning I found her message, and I can’t describe the feeling I got from it. Vacuity, perhaps? It seemed like many bad things were suddenly converging right above me. It’s bad enough to receive a ‘pop confession’ from someone I trusted (it all got solved later, fortunately) to learn soon afterwards that my best friend’s mind hasn’t been that okay, after all.
My mom had told me one day that one of her friends in New York went crazy and she had visited her in the mental ward. She was about my age by then. Maybe my life is a bizarre copy of my mom’s, which is not bad at all. But that’s not the point. The point is, despite it all, my friend has not changed; she is the same great person I studied with, almost my sister, the only girl who’s never come up with a stupid complaint that could risk our friendship. She is my true best friend. And I can’t think of her as a mental case or a crazy woman. No, wherever she is, she is exactly who she’s always been.
I hope everything turns out well, because all I care about right now, in terms of friendship, is her welfare.
I wish I could speak Japanese fluently. Now. It’s one of the most beautiful languages in the world. Even Queen sang a song in Japanese… Oh by the way, I watched this very old NHK show, recorded it, and now I can’t stop thinking about the song! It’s so beautiful!
In some ways, being in the university is like being in Battle Royale. It’s ruthless, you fight only for yourself in order to get good grades, and sometimes you make alliances that can either help you or sink you. Some people prefer just to jump off a cliff, leave right after they start. It’s tough; will all the people I know survive? It must be sad to see your friends give up and die.
Tatsuya Fujiwara–This is the closest you will ever get to seeing Kotaro Takizawa on the big screen.
Man, I can’t stop listening to J-pop and all that stuff in Japanese. It’s a language that’s been calling me all my life (I can assure you the words I used to make up when I was a kid sounded like Japanese). Maybe it’s an influence from the NHK.
Anyway, the battle goes on. This week’s a short break, but after that… grab your firearms and your axe, and keep on fightin’!
“So far away; Doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door;
Doesn’t help to know you’re just time away;
Long ago I reached for you and there you stood;
Holding you again could only do me good;
How I wish I could, but you’re so far away
One more song about movin’ along the highway;
Can’t say much of anything that’s new;
If I could only work this life out my way;
I’d rather spend it bein’ close to you;
But you’re so far away, doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door;
Doesn’t help to know you’re so far away
Yay-uh-ay-eee; Oh, so far away
Travelin’ around sure gets me down and lonely;
Nothin’ else to do but close my mind;
I sure hope the road don’t come to own me;
Yet so many dreams I’ve yet to find;
But you’re so far away, doesn’t anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door;
And it doesn’t help to know you’re so far away…”
–Carole King
Nothing weird has happened, but I feel as if all these tears wanted to flow… and distance feels like the hardest test ever put into my heart, like an endless wall to climb with my own weak hands.
So far away… it hurts…
To my friends:
If you really want to invite me, ask me first before assuming I can’t go. And if you assume I can’t go, don’t tell me.
That’s politeness.