Category: Rant

There comes a time when you must say goodbye—even if only temporarily—to a human being with whom you discovered goodbye was not an option. Since you cannot do much about fate (for the time being), you have no choice but to follow this person down to the very end of your road together, kiss your last kiss, then turn around and walk back to normalcy (i.e., the way things were before they appeared in your life). You gulp down the tears and let them harden like amber. Even if you’ve never suffered from an embolism or kidney stones, you must be able to picture how painful it must be to have a foreign object stuck inside you, impeding the free flow of whatever it was that made it comfortable for you to live alone. This crazy pebble is full of memories and hopes for the future making of new memories. It hurts, but in a way you’re glad it hurts. It’s life at its fullest. Love.

(Not my other half as in my romantic partner, for I am a complete being with or without him.)

Stasis in darkness.
Then the substanceless blue
Pour of tor and distances.—Sylvia Plath, “Ariel”

Do you remember, dear, this thing called gender studies? You probably do, because you talk about it all the time. Do you remember how crazy you are about this subject and how you would like to do research on it and talk about it and teach people about it and help the world change even the tiniest bit in terms of it? It is as inherent to you as writing, singing, and drawing. Try wiping it out of your head for a while. Can you simply quit this thing that drives your desire for knowledge, a passion that even gets you in trouble with other people? Can you?

Do you also remember that you are very good at what you do (that is, when you actually do it)? Sit down, write a paper: most chances are that it will be excellent, and you know it. This fear of yours is nothing more than a fear of yourself. You know very well that you are your own worst enemy, and you’re letting the enemy win. Take the word “stasis” and do something beautiful with it! You think that education ruined your creativity, but look at yourself: you’re back at sketching, you’re singing again, and you never actually stopped writing. This blog is witness to it. Anger, frustration, forget all that. You’re flourishing rather than withering.

Feel the ideas flowing through your fingers, listen to the endless pit-pat on the keyboard, see how words rain. You can summon this rain.

The future is far ahead—why worry about it? Why listen to all those who push you into something that’s never worked out for you? Were you ever planning on coming to Japan? Dreaming, yes, but planning? How did you end up in Hawaii? Was that ever among your plans? Dreams, yes, but plans?

Don’t be scared. Take it one step at a time. Soon you’ll be done with this weird, weird dream called Japan. Who knows what’ll come next? Isn’t it exciting to expect the surprise?

1. Is the name you have now the same name that’s on your birth certificate? If not, what’s changed?

It is exactly the same. Olavia Kite was a later addition, or rather than that, an alternative.

2. If you could change your name (first, middle and/or last), what would it be?

I would be called Jessica or Brittany. HAHAHAHA GOTCHA!!! By no means I would change my name… except if my family name were to change to Honda.

3. Why were you named what you were? (Is there a story behind it? Who specifically was responsible for naming you?)

Okay, here it goes. My mom was a diehard fan of Little House on the Prairie, and her favorite character was Laura Ingalls. Don’t laugh. It’s serious. I found out many years later that Laura Ingalls Wilder was a writer, so I’m proud of that. On the other side, my paternal grandparents always wanted to have a daughter named Camila, but they didn’t have another daughter after my aunt, I think, so I got to be Laura Camila. I love my name.

If you want to know why I’m Olavia as well,… it just popped up in my mind. I was going to use it for a character on the next story I wrote, but I ended up adding the last name Kite after the Beatles song Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite! , and I liked it so much I adopted it for myself. I even have a fountain pen with the name engraved.

4. Are there any names you really hate or love? What are they and why?

I met people with super cool names in Dubuque, Iowa. Here are some examples:

Minori Honda, Kotaro Takizawa, Foo Chi Tao, James Pollock, Brian Ellis, Mary Ask, Kaoru Maeda, Yusuke Kanaguchi, Yoichi Shimizu, Ryan Hanlon, Andy Rosenbaum, Matthew Parsons,… I’ll keep adding if I remember. Some of these people weren’t really nice (like Mary Ask), but the names are still cool.

Oh, and I hate the name Carlos.

5. Is the analysis of your name at kabalarians.com / triggur.org / astroexpert accurate? How or how isn’t it?

Well I don’t believe in that stuff…