Category: Rant

After a few days of thorough thinking (and some sulking), I’ve realized that I must learn to accept solitude as an indelible part of my life. I used to believe it was a teenage-related anomaly, and then a Tsukuba-related anomaly, but no. Circumstances have changed in every possible way, and it’s still here with me, following me like a stubborn stray dog. The truth is, I am a loner. I am Tsukuba, and all it encompasses.

Now that I know it, or now that I’m ready to come to terms with it, I ought to understand that my free time is not a waiting room. There is no use in hoping for a door to open and for someone to finally call my name. It should be a good thing, though, as awful as it sounds. It was so clear to me when I was a teenager, and there was so much I got done back then.

So let’s get stuff done. Nobody’s going to interrupt.

I read things that make me feel stupid. I read things that crack the earth open and set me adrift. Once I was left alone with words for an ailment, but they are already withering. Memory is just an ugly vase full of old water. It holds the appearance of life, but not forever.

I finished my job.

Hear my sigh of relief echoing miles away, and see me getting ready for all the exciting things to come.

Her sitting in at the desk was not a mere exercise of mouse-clicking. They —the ones upstairs— were expecting results. Results was another word for numbers that should grow like bamboo stalks. It was easy to imagine the ones upstairs waking up each morning in hopes of finding bigger numbers in their garden of data. Then they would pick them and arrange them in lovely bouquets, use them to garnish pie charts, and serve them to almost abstract entities on a level so high that it might as well transcend the rooftop.

She sat in front of the computer and tried to feed the numbers.