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Rant

Ridges vs. Smudges

There’s a drawing of a fingerprint on a dialog box, prompting me to take action during a sign-in process. I envy those clear ridges regaling my screen—surely the work of a good designer. However, they can also be found in real life: I recently came across one, during a demonstration of what a legible fingerprint should look like. Nothing like the smudges I sport.

Still reeling from my failed identity check, I learned that there are times when forensics teams find themselves working with a dry cadaver with desiccated fingerprints, which makes it impossible to identify. How do go about this hurdle? Turns out, there is a product for exactly that case scenario. There’s a special lotion with capsaicin that moisturizes fingertips and plumps them up. For more severe cases, the investigator will use another type of fluid and inject it into the fingertips to achieve the same effect. And then, voilĂ ! Fingerprints clear as day.

As I am still a living thing, but with slightly cadaver-like fingers, I wondered how I could avail myself of the magical potion I first described; however, one of the purveyors only sells to government clients and the other one charges special hazmat shipping costs. The only alternative solution provided by an official source: moisturizing often for a certain period ahead of the fingerprinting session.

So here I am, frantically slathering different kinds of cream on my hands in hopes that I will pass the test when I retake it.

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