I’m pretty pissed off at life because it’s utterly pointless. It’s all about doing the same thing all the time in order to get money to have fun sometimes. I hate doing the same thing even if it’s the very thing I love to do. It all blurs into a single continuum of files received and edited and sent back. When I think of all the time I have left in this world, and that most of that time will be devoted to converting texts into another language, I feel hopeless.<\/p>\n
Robin Williams killed himself and it suddenly became clear to me that I’m not doing so well in terms of mental health. I don’t have a drinking problem or anything, but being mad at life for its pointlessness is not a good sign. I think I’m depressed. Not clinically depressed, but still, pretty sucky inside. Again. How stupid. I thought I could beat it by escaping Tsukuba, but home is the same thing except with bad traffic. And all I can do is keep on working because that’s my duty<\/em>. I’m an adult and adults spend their time working. It’s so meaningless. Another day, another file to open. Nothing changes.<\/p>\n Today I decided to go to the gym to see if I can get better by getting physically tired, even though I feel tired and sleepy all the time. It worked for a little while, but this anger directed at everything and nothing at the same time is still here. And then I waste so much time on social networks, this modern substitute of anything requiring concentration. What a drug. I’m going to stage my own intervention and force myself to read actual books and study actual educational things instead of ‘finding out’ the latest news and people’s opinions on them. I mean, who cares? Why should I<\/em> care?<\/p>\n At least I’m eating well and showering every day. But it still feels like a pointless routine. Robin Williams’ death scared me very much, though. I want to be fine and enjoy life as it is. I don’t want work to feel like an unbearable monotonous indicator of life’s worthlessness. I don’t want to be angry at everything and nothing at the same time. If this situation does not improve, I’m seeking help.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" I’m pretty pissed off at life because it’s utterly pointless. It’s all about doing the same thing all the time in order to get money to have fun sometimes. I hate doing the same thing even if it’s the very thing I love to do. It all blurs into a single continuum of files received […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/olaviakite.com\/maianebula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/854"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/olaviakite.com\/maianebula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/olaviakite.com\/maianebula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/olaviakite.com\/maianebula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/olaviakite.com\/maianebula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=854"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"http:\/\/olaviakite.com\/maianebula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/854\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/olaviakite.com\/maianebula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=854"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/olaviakite.com\/maianebula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=854"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/olaviakite.com\/maianebula\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=854"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}